Let’s start from the very top.

Sex, in its most basic form, refers to the biological differences between people — male and female. But beyond biology, sex is also an experience, often shared between two or more people, built on connection, desire, pleasure, and choice. It’s not a sin. It’s not evil. It’s simply human.

But for many religious folks? That definition doesn’t land. It clashes with the doctrine they’ve been taught — where sex is sacred, secret, and shameful unless done within a narrow, often patriarchal, context: marriage.

And who gets hit hardest by that shame? Girls. Women.

The moment a girl shows any sign of sexuality — or worse, admits she’s had sex — she’s labeled:
“Dirty.”
“Impure.”
“Damaged goods.”
“A disgrace.”
“A sinner.”
“A prostitute.”
“A disappointment.”
“Unworthy.”

She’s told, “Your virginity is a gift for your husband.” But who decided that? Why is a girl’s worth tied to whether or not someone has touched her? Why does her relationship with God become questionable the moment she explores her sexuality?

Meanwhile, men?
They can sleep with whoever, whenever. No shame. No judgment. Society shrugs. “Boys will be boys.”
But a woman? She's supposed to be untouched — not because she wants to, but because the world expects it.

So we ask:
Why is virginity treated like a transaction?
Why is the man so entitled to it?
Who benefits from this logic?
And if a girl chooses to stay a virgin — fine. But if she doesn’t, why is she punished?

Then there’s the issue of silence.
Many parents, especially in religious homes, avoid teaching their daughters about their own bodies. No talk about vaginas, periods, sex, or pleasure. Nothing. Just fairy tales and purity rings. Just warnings like:
“Don’t have sex or God will punish you.”

How is a child supposed to grow up and make smart choices when the most natural topic in the world is treated like a taboo?

So, what happens?

She gets curious. She explores. But instead of being prepared and protected, she ends up in dangerous situations — often with manipulative men who prey on her innocence.

Boys, on the other hand, get the message loud and clear — from society, movies, older men — that women are trophies, and that “being the first” is a prize. That mentality is passed down, generation to generation.

I knew a girl in school who didn’t get any sex education. Not even basic biology. Her Muslim school skipped the entire reproductive system in science class. She didn’t even know how her body worked. By the time she got to university, she met a guy who pressured her into sex, asked for nudes, then posted them and left her to face shame — alone.

And that’s not a one-off story. That’s many girls’ stories.

I recently read a book called Confessions of an Alleged Good Girl. Eye-opening.

It’s about a pastor’s daughter. No sexual education. Her parents arranged for her to date their co-pastor’s son — you know, the “godly” match. But behind the scenes, the guy kept trying to have sex with her — 28 times. She was only 15. Turns out, she had a condition called vaginismus — her body would tense up involuntarily during sex. Painful. Confusing. Traumatizing.

And even then, she didn’t seek help for herself. She only tried to “fix” herself so she could give her future husband “his gift.” Because that's what she was taught — her body didn’t belong to her, it belonged to him.

He gave her an ultimatum. One more failed attempt and he was done. When he eventually broke up with her, her father asked what she had done to HIM. Imagine.

She couldn’t even explain the trauma because sex was still a forbidden topic in that household.

Her story isn’t rare.
It’s everywhere.

And the saddest part? This obsession with virginity is exactly what leads to child marriage in many places. Girls are forced to marry young so they can be “pure” for their husbands. Recently, I saw news about lawmakers pushing for the legal age of marriage in some countries to be as low as 8 years old. Eight.

While the world is battling HIV, cancer, climate change, war in Palestine — some people are more concerned about owning a child’s “purity.”

It’s disturbing.

So, what’s the lesson here?

Get a grip.
This world has bigger problems than whether or not someone had sex.

Stop raising naive girls for predators.
Educate your daughters. Teach them about their bodies. Don’t let the first time they hear “vagina” be from some creepy guy in their DMs.

Biology isn’t just for science students.
If you’ve got a body, you should understand how it works — regardless of your career path.

Your value is not in your virginity.
Women were made for more than just reproduction. You have dreams, talents, and a future. You are more.

So live.
Learn.
Explore.
Not recklessly — but intentionally.
And not for others — but for you.
Because the girls who came before us didn’t have this freedom.
Let’s not waste it.