Parents know best. That's the environment in which I was raised. You couldn't ask questions or offer alternative opinions. It was always "Because I said so" but in a more flowery language. And I learned to concur with all they said and suggested. I mean, what did I really know?

My parents ran one of those strict regimes. But they had a good way of hiding it, so much that people thought my sister and I were aloof. We already knew the answers to basic questions like, "Could I go to akina so-and-so? Can we go to place X? Can we accompany Y to place X?" It was always a "no" with a sprinkle of "mkikua wakubwa ndio mtajua mbona niliwakataza." 

And since we weren't grown yet, we obliged. For us, it was easier to ask for permission than to ask for forgiveness, even when asking for permission never came with a "Yes." This explains why I find it hard to genuinely apologize. I never had enough practice. lol. 

We couldn't make friends without our parents forming an opinion about them. It was always, "Huyu ata hua hasomi, kazi ni mchezo tu." Or "Wazazi wake ni walevi. Huyo atakuharibu." Yes. We really judged books by their covers back then. That tight ship wouldn't let us slip, especially if the slip could even remotely affect our grades. So my sister and I learned to be each other's friends because everyone else wasn't good enough for our parents. 

Speaking for myself, my social life barely exists. I hate people. Not hate, hate. I just love solitude. I rarely go out, rarely talk to people. Well, except for the friends I made in school and who stuck around. And God gave me a son, so now I have my own little friend. Again, lol.

But it doesn't end there. My parents knew what subjects would be good for me in high school. And then they knew which courses would benefit me in life. I should have been a doctor, even though I didn't do that well in Biology. My father had already decided that come what may, I would be joining medical school.

And then the grades came, and I couldn't do Nursing, or Medicine. Not even Pharmacy, his last resort. So he went on a little course-finding spree. Asked around about which courses were "hot in the market." He came back with several suggestions. Didn't even ask me to pick one. Just told me to put them all down and wait for where i'd be placed. 

Do you know what courses I wanted to pursue in school? Psychology. German. Community Development ikienda sana. But no, my parents knew best and it was better to follow their "advice" than to risk a lesson from ulimwengu. 

As fate would have it, I never liked my career path and so I decided not to pursue it actively post-graduation. I went on a totally different path, became a Virtual Assistant. My parents get headaches. They knew best, but I defied them. So, the other day, as I was talking to my dad, the old man had another brilliant idea. He said, "Once your brother finishes school, maybe you should enrol for nursing."

I laughed. He didn't find it funny. "Masomo hua haiishi," he quipped. 

So, now, he keeps sending me different programs to review so I can go back to school. But I am about to raise his pressure because I am now a parent and I know best. I know that what's best for my son and I isn't for me to seek another certificate that might potentially be useless. Not at all. What's best for my son is that I do something I love and enjoy so I can teach him to do the same.

There was a discourse on X about how children raised by strict parents turned out alright. I disagree. The amount of times I experience anxiety when I have to choose between options is innumerable. I find myself overexplaining things just to convince people i'm "not on the wrong." I'm still undoing the effects of my upbringing. I even give my two-year old options just so he can feel comfortable making decisions as he grows up. lol?

Well, the whole thing went full circle because, while those parents knew best for their own, I also know best for mine. Nimekua mkubwa sasa nimejua. And it's to give my child what I never had: Autonomy.